(MMM)Morrison-

I often look up/read Jim Morrison's words/lyrics because i have so many rare/different versions of songs. I wanted to look up a versions of "Back Door Man" off The Complete Matrix Club Tapes. While googling, I stumbled on this article of someone who googled "What is a back door man?"  I then read through the entire article, including the comments. Some of it made me laugh. One line stood out to me, "However, if there's anything I've learned with age, it is to not always trust in the obvious." Cheers! +

http://www.bernzilla.com/item.php?id=53

The article basically displays three ways that others are led to believing what the blues term of "Back Door Man" really means/stands for:

1. Referring to a man having an affair with a married woman, and presumably comes and goes through the back door of her house.

2. On a literal stance: Having Anal Sex. "When Morrison and Plant were around, anal sex was even more taboo than it is today, and society was even more likely to blow its top (no pun intended) when someone mentioned anal sex."

3. 'Back door' is in the way of SNEAKING into concerts, usually the "back door man" helps to get another in. "Sneaking" and "Back door" on two different meanings, joining as one.

As a Major doors fan there’s just too many references throughout several songs that led us to believe it only means one thing. The Affair stance. My case in point brings me to the song "The Spy." The version of this song Live At The Boston Arena, Morrison adds on how his woman’s been bad, he's seen her with another man." Even without that clip, the song alone talks about "know knowing deepest secret fears, I'm a spy, I can see, what you do, and I know." If you know Morrison, you know his ways. Wild.

That's one way I believe it's just a reference to having an affair, sneaking out the back, and being Morrison.  The second reasoning is mentioned in the article. In the song "Back Door Man", when Morrison sings out:  "You men eat your dinner. Eat your pork and beans. I eat more chicken any man ever seen", it shows that the wife is feeding him better than her own husband. - As mentioned. "I'm a back door man, The men don't know, But the little girl understand" Sure, I don't doubt it was meaning and being the anal aspect as well, being it was the 60's and it was Jim. But after all, Jim Morrison is all for words!



And if you really ask me- thinking of scandalous Morrison is way more exciting as the what may first seem obvious.+ ::wink::

Morning Messages:

At 4:45am I cam home Friday night to this: from [k]

Dear Victoria,

I hear you when you call my name.

Love,
Crazy Carl

P.S. - I hope you love me back. I have a beard.

i also receive another a message on good ol' facebook from a stranger

around the same time:

"I read your philosophy on death, that was an interesting way you thought of it"

+

Not me. The God, Morrison.

Don't let me die in an automobile

I wanna lie in an open field

Want the snakes to suck my skin

Want the worms to be my friends

Want the birds to eat my eyes

...As here I lie

The clouds fly by

+

Amazing, Start to Finish

Lizard King.

Way ahead of us all.

Incense and Their Uses:

Blue Berry - Burn to keep unwanted influences away from your home and property
Blue Roses - Specially crafted to honour the Goddess in all her aspects

Carnations - A sweet floral scent traditionally used for healing

Cherry - Sacred to Venus, this blend will attract and stimulate love

Cinnamon - Use to gain wealth and success

Coconut - Burn for protection and purification

Copal - Sacred to the Mayan and Aztecs, this blend is suitable for honouring the Gods

Frangiapani - Burn to brighten your home with friendship and love

Frankincense - Draw upon the energy of the sun to create sacred space, consecrate objects, and stimulate positive vibrations

Honeysuckle - Burn for good health, luck, and psychic power

Jasmine - For luck in general, especially in matters relating to love

Lotus - For inner peace and outer harmony, to aid in meditation and open the mind’s eye

Musk - Burn for courage and vitality, or to highten sensual passion

Myrrh - An ancient incense for protection, healing, purification and spirituality

Passionflower - For peace of mind, this sweet scent will soothe troubles and aid in sleep

Patchouli Patchouli - An earthy scent used in money and attraction spells

Pine - Burn for strength, and to reverse negative energies

Rose - For love magick, and to return calm energies to the home

Sandalwood - A delicious all purpose scent used to heal and protect, also for purification

Spice - A fiery scent to be charged for any magick

Spirit - Raise your personal vibration, attract spirit guides and honour
your personal deity

Strawberry - For love, luck and friendship

Tangerine - A solar aroma used to attract prosperity

Temple - A devotional incense for the altar during ritual

Vanilla - Stimulate amorous appetites and enhance memory

this is what i label as 'dope' +

...my space funk.



...light it and take a drive with. The beat. Thats where my head is found.

being my friend involves: brain tweakers

Randomly at 12:00 at night I texted a random selection of people asking them to "Name a song right now..." Some took it literal and gave me current hits on the radio, while others gave me funny, bizzarre, random, wildest songs. Some gave reasons why the chose it. Some cheated and gave more than one. It made me laugh to see what everyone chooses and who chose what. It also made me laugh to see how each person took that question. I got to learn a lot about certian people and see where their heads are at. I know some real fucks! :) And Some are even gonna make it to the ipod!

Brien McCarthy said - Put it down on me - 50
Jaime C - Baby got back - Sir Mix A lot
Joe Lee - All you need is love - the beatles
Cassel - Wild Thing - Jimi Hendrix
Grace - Pretty girl rock - Kery Hilson
Sycko- Pretty girl rock - Kery Hilson
Tj- i need a dollar - aloe blacc
Jon Clue- Transylvanian Hunger
Carolyn- Barnacles - Ugly Casanova
Rick p- hahaha umm Fire Work - Katy Perry....where did that come from and where have you been all my life?  i said it cause it was the last song i heard on the radio i swear im not gay haha"
Caroll- Gone till Novemeber - wyclef
Nils- Your Touch - The Black Keys
Bj and Chad- Achilles Last Stand -led Zeppelin
Mike Dirt-  "Dig up her bones- The Misfits. Whats with the back from the dead call?"
- also "Une San Lumiere" - Arcade Fire
get ready: "for real" - Okkervil River,
 "Love Burns" - B.R.M.C
Take you on a cruise- Interpol
"love will tear us apart- Joy Division
"Torches Together" - MewithoutYou
"Twilight" - The Raveonettes
"Maps" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"bloc party"- This Modern love
"remind me" - Royskopp
Meazy said - " Getting jiggy with it" - Will Smith , I just played it at the bar on the juxebox it gets everyone jumping.
Johnny p- Warmth - Incubus
Cinematic - Umm The Xx remix of "you've got the love"....why?
Brooklyn Steve- A violent yet beautiful world - Au Revoir Simone
Twang One- Can we still be friends - Todd Rundgren
Sevo- he was knocked out.
Natlie- Crazy - Areosmith
Lexi- first that comes to mind is, Say My Name - Destinys Child



+ Thanks for contributing to the maddness!

things-

I hate when I go to the pantry, to the refrigerator and then back to the pantry and act like something is going to better then the last time i was just there...

the music i start to clean my room with is always the total opposite at the ending time of room cleaned.

i think in words.

if your a passenger and i like you, i'll most likely play the baseline of the song on your legs.

i get happy legs when i'm happy.

my best friend and i have the most mind blowing conversations up and down 110.
i will most likely call you at random points, pick you up and make you ride for a drive...

i have absolutely no sense of direction and just shoot and pray for the best

i'm slightly in love with my Turkish gas station attendant.

which is odd because i always feel like a gas station murder would be so amazing and cant
believe is hasn't happened yet (?) that i kinda freak out because thats the thought i get EVERYTIME
at a gas station that i lock my doors keep the window open a crack and push in my car lighter.

i still hate the process of putting sheets on the bed.

as mush as i love words, i dont read as much as you'd think.

i have a hard time understanding how "LOL" and things like "Snooki' are real life things.

i answer my phone "HUH-LOW?!" many will think i'm pissed.

i don't know how to not whip my car around turns, it's almost impossible.

tooday was not real.

old and new woken too-
p's and q's and fuck you's
ditched and scooped-
realizing someone taking intrest
and someone not intrested.
scrambled eggs and i'm not talking the breakfast food.

snowed in family divided by days
feversleeves trips to the movies
next online to realize the obnoxious not stoned
brats would be in the same room and we yelled
fuck it and left to hit off alarms and ask for something
good to happen and the radio says right from the start
PEOPLE ARE STRANGE WHEN YOU'RE---

i realized the best molecular  feeling is when you're  baggy sweats
fall down your calf when you are laying on you're stomach and playing
with someone elses christmas gift: THE SIMS who had a beard
and your tube socks are there to cover the cold winter's storm.

+
fucking little things....they get on you.

and then i was thought of when someone saw this:

and i was honored.

to someone else thinking my "my taste for space" was like this:


and I misread it and thought it was my hip hop wanted so i said i'm more like........:



.....and whats wild is this is only one day.

For one reason or another+

It's unfortunate that when we feel a stone

We can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable
Oh well, the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we're spinning in his grip


Love is like a sin, my love,
For the ones that feel it the most
Look at her with her eyes like a flame
She will love you like a fly will never love you again

It's unfortunate that when we feel a stone
We can roll ourselves over when we're uncomfortable
Oh well, the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we're spinning in his grip

Love is like a sin, my love,
For the one that feels it the most
Look at her with a smile like a flame
She will love you like a fly will never love you again

+

zodiacally speaking-

i want your hectic energetic ways
- the combination of air and fire
i want you're new tricks, as i desire.
physical and intellectual level,
only to dissemble-
it's our fast pace with a quick of wit,
a favorable fit.
inventive and innovative
frustration and fulfillment
providing exhilarating excitement
Doubled down and keeping up-
good and evil,
male and female
Ruled by Mars,
bring me to my homeland, the moon.
Lets die with the sun.
+

midnight am.

i'm sitting here ever so content with a play list of the following:

+ Phish
+ Band of Horses
+ The Shins
+ The Hollies
+ The Allmen Brothers
+ Thievery Corporation
+ The Delays

and there nothing more i want to be doing than just sitting here and listening.

beats beats beats!

i'm all up on Flying Lotus...that space feel!

electric blue dreams-

                     
                                                                                        +

Let your family take you back to your original mind-

With ten years of another part of my life missing and four years being the last time i've seen my father, One day was all it took.

I last saw my dad when i had to undergo a surgery - heavily sedated i made it a point to remember your denim jacket. Other than that day, it would have taken us back to double digits.

December 4th 2010 was a new day stepping back into my (g)olden days. I finally did what has been pent up for years. I went home. Home to a place where I know exactly who i am with a wiser verson of myself. I haven't seen it in over 10 years. Once started as a Log cabin of one bedroom, has now gained height and width. Built with a soul and dream, the site of it brought me to an instant trip of joy and overwhelm-ness.

I can't believe how beautiful the house has come along. I pictured what it would be like to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas there. With the fireplace lit, snow covering the cabin. There was so much to look at, but all everything showed me a reminder of just how much time had really passed.

It was as if I was able to look back at certain places and see myself in a younger virison. I can remember grading papers with you, the more i helped, the faster you'd come and play. My farther is a Science teacher, with tons of red marked papers. I can remember swimming in the ponds to cool off on hot summer days and the phrase "while most girls put cat's in their bicycle baskets, there's Roria...catching her frogs and putting them in her cannone". I can remember to check for ticks. I can remember the leather hand stitched pillow I used to hate but learned to love. I can remember making you always be the Shoe in monopoly and giving myself the Dog. I remember finishing my plate because "We don't waste in the country" even if my tiny tummy was full. I can remember trips to the post office and breakfast at Blondie's and if i was really good...ice cream at Holy Cow. I can remember going to drive - inn movies and falling asleep each of the 3 times during Free Willie. I can remember being embarrassed every time we went to Grand Union because you would sing all funny in between the isles. I can remember sleeping on the wooden floor and watching the popping of the lit fire. I can remember learning to drive the Jimmy, Bronco and pick up truck. I can remember failing Uncle Richie's quad road test the first time. I can remember when i earned the title "Mountain Woman." I can remember going back home to moms house being filthy. I can remember when I had a tick stuck in my head. I can remember when you wanted "downtime" which ment it was time for a nap. I can remember shaving your head and drawing a smiley face on top....out of mustard. I can remember falling through the ice. I can remember pulling down trees for fire wood. I can remember after dinner it was always "The kitchen is closed" I can remember rolling down the hills in the construction tubes. I can remember going hiking and hunting. I can remember "Indian Jodie" braiding my hair in grass. Some of my favorite childhood memories have been made on the lands of my fathers. But things happen, and so did the years.

I've made and chosen to set aside what is it that happened. From here on out I am working to patch things up. I've missed that life, and oddly enough where i've been has strangely always matched up. There is still so much i need to discover about myself and understand. Through my father i am finding such. I have never been so in tune with myself than this year. And now i can finally get answerer's to all that i have been wondering about. I am happy with my moves made but I know things wont unfold in the matter of days. This is something that will have to basically be reborn, reintroduced....from both parties. I am up against a lot but am for it. As cliche as it sounds...."the time is now."

+

harvest moon-

and this too-

Send me on a whirlwind of emotion.

Everytime.

train of thought-

Yesterday I had this huge, out of body experience when I literally saw the world outside of it's self for a spilt second. Enough to latch on to ONE of the many things that flashed before my eyes. I can't really explain it- because it's a day later.  All I can say was the way i normally think, or would have thought was changed. And everything that was spoken about within the same day, week, moment and what not...all came together. Like a true mad woman, i ran to my room and got my red journal. A book of the most RANDOM of words, phrases and doodles. I get these moments a lot but this.....was profound. It began from the bowl of NOOR food. (middle eastern foods) I had gotten it the night before. A collection of meats: Spicy chicken and lamb covered in a white sauce, over rice and a salad. It was bomb. With too much to eat, i saved it and brought it home. The next day was lunch time and i figured i'd eat it. "We don't waste in the country" is a phrase FOREVER implanted in my brain from my dad. But back on track....so i go to eat this meal and it's just not going well as it did the other night. I start to panic because it's NOW that i am having this huge revelation in my kitchen. I just remember hating how this food tasted and how the texture of it, really bothered me. Which then brought me back to as of lately i've been having this hard time eating meats. And let me just first state, I LOVE a fat juicy stake, medium rare to rare. But as of 4 months ago, some meals have been giving me a panic attack. I've never had this before, stupid i'm aware. If i begin to feel the texture, and/or think about the meat itself...I bug out. To the point, i love lobster but 3 years back I remember clear as day my mom making lobster for Christmas dinner and when she placed it on my plate I began to...basically disetc it like a science project and it just bugged me out....full blown panic attack at the table. and since then, i haven't eaten it. Even a scene from a David Lynch movie called "Earserhead" popped into my head. In this fucked up of a movie, cooked baby chicken is being served for dinner, but it still moves and bleeds and gets eaten....BUT TO GET BACK TO THE MAIN FOCUS....so it's been really bothering me. Now, rewind back into this crazy revelation and further before that day.....Takes you well, me back to my vacation where i met this older lady and her daughter. Her daughter a vegetarian. The mother...well here's her story. I randomly found myself talking to this lady and her daughter... the mother asked me how i liked the food on the ship...spoke my piece, not even knowing what i really did think just rambled to end it. I somehow reversed the question and thats when it it home. She had began to tell me how it was hard. Hard for her daughter and hard for her to eat. Being it was in fact Thanksgiving and her daughter was a vegetarian, got it....hard. She, on the other hand shared a story that was wild. She was one day baking cookies with her daughter, when it was time to eat them, she had spit the cookie back into a napkin. She had thought her daughter went a little too crazy with the sugar/salt. Not the case. What had really happened is some freak thing. She had completely lost all the sense in her taste buds. Also gained the act of acid reflex. I felt really guilty, in the sense of how I was almost subconsciously selfish in what i ate. Which made me think of meats and animals. She shared that if she were too eat certain things, she would be sick for weeks. She pressed on how it's awful and now can't enjoy some of her most favorites of foods. It hit home for me, but only in the moment. Now, we channel back into my kitchen...with that story weighing down my mind, the unannounced meat attacks, and the idea of generally being more healthy which has too been a reoccurring thing...I realized maybe it's my time to give up meat. Sure, a little bit goes out for the 'animal sake' but i have got to be honest, i'm not one of those. Too many little moments that made me check myself finally added up. I do overall want to become more healthy. I ended up throwing away the food, and breaking dad's rules. (ha) I spent the rest of day meat free. I hope I can carry this out. By no means am i an overnight vegetarian, I think if I void out such...it will get me to the image i have in my head. Which is another train of thought but wayyyyyy to detailed to even visit again. But this is what happens, i carry this out until the next big the to have all my focus. Stay tuned.

What i'm working on:
+ Eating better
+ Daily Meditation
+ Use of candles
( by the way, claps for me. Lastnight i regained the use of being able to have an open flame in my room.
It was taken away when i lit the side of our house on fire, and also when my towel on my head went up in flames.)
+ Reading and FINISHING one book at a time.
+ Studying images daily so they reflect my life.

(marsh)mellow-out mondays.

+

King without a crown.

You're all that I have and you're all that I need

Each and every day I pray to get to know your peace
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till twilight
Said thank you to my God, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might

What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time we start revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now

Me no want no Sinsemilla, that would only bring me down

Burn away my brain, no way, my brain is too compound
Elevated my soul, you're a flying my sound
Like the sun of a sun ray burning up through a cloud
Say, Torah food for my brain, let it rain till I drown
Thunder, let the blessings come down
Say, Torah food for my brain, let it rain till I drown


Strippin’ away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high, bound to stay low
You want God but you can't deflate your ego

If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat

Ask Hashem for mercy, and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Searching up to the sky and looking beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
You keep fallin' down
You really want to like but can't get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and then you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze


What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time we start revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a whole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now



See I lift up my eyes where my help come from
And I seen it circling around from the mountain
Thunder!
You feel it in your chest
You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest
You're not vexed
Look to the sky where my help come from
Seen it circling around from the mountain
Thunder!
You feel it in your chest
You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest
You're not vexed



+

today's doors song of choice and reason:

I will never be untrue

Do anything you would want me to
Never stay out drinking
no later than two
(two thirty...)
I will never treat you mean
and I won't cause no kind of scene
Tell you all the people
all the places I have been
I will always treat you kind
try to give you peace of mind
Only you tell me that you love me
one more time
Now darling
please don't be sad
Don't run off like that
when you get mad
Cause if you do
you gonna lose
the best friend
that you ever had
That's no lie...
I will never be untrue
Do everything you want me to do
Bring all my loving all my money
bring it all home to you
I never be untrue

+

measure twice, cut once.

how do you measure worth?
i'm finding it extremely hard to do such.
value, trust, and honesty is what i'm weighing
you all come with so much baggage
that i can't decipher who will dance or hang it up.


:(
+ i've been stuck in my head this whole month.
i need the 20th to come already. family and islands.

place thoughts?

basic math.