Friday, December 10, 2010

Let your family take you back to your original mind-

With ten years of another part of my life missing and four years being the last time i've seen my father, One day was all it took.

I last saw my dad when i had to undergo a surgery - heavily sedated i made it a point to remember your denim jacket. Other than that day, it would have taken us back to double digits.

December 4th 2010 was a new day stepping back into my (g)olden days. I finally did what has been pent up for years. I went home. Home to a place where I know exactly who i am with a wiser verson of myself. I haven't seen it in over 10 years. Once started as a Log cabin of one bedroom, has now gained height and width. Built with a soul and dream, the site of it brought me to an instant trip of joy and overwhelm-ness.

I can't believe how beautiful the house has come along. I pictured what it would be like to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas there. With the fireplace lit, snow covering the cabin. There was so much to look at, but all everything showed me a reminder of just how much time had really passed.

It was as if I was able to look back at certain places and see myself in a younger virison. I can remember grading papers with you, the more i helped, the faster you'd come and play. My farther is a Science teacher, with tons of red marked papers. I can remember swimming in the ponds to cool off on hot summer days and the phrase "while most girls put cat's in their bicycle baskets, there's Roria...catching her frogs and putting them in her cannone". I can remember to check for ticks. I can remember the leather hand stitched pillow I used to hate but learned to love. I can remember making you always be the Shoe in monopoly and giving myself the Dog. I remember finishing my plate because "We don't waste in the country" even if my tiny tummy was full. I can remember trips to the post office and breakfast at Blondie's and if i was really cream at Holy Cow. I can remember going to drive - inn movies and falling asleep each of the 3 times during Free Willie. I can remember being embarrassed every time we went to Grand Union because you would sing all funny in between the isles. I can remember sleeping on the wooden floor and watching the popping of the lit fire. I can remember learning to drive the Jimmy, Bronco and pick up truck. I can remember failing Uncle Richie's quad road test the first time. I can remember when i earned the title "Mountain Woman." I can remember going back home to moms house being filthy. I can remember when I had a tick stuck in my head. I can remember when you wanted "downtime" which ment it was time for a nap. I can remember shaving your head and drawing a smiley face on top....out of mustard. I can remember falling through the ice. I can remember pulling down trees for fire wood. I can remember after dinner it was always "The kitchen is closed" I can remember rolling down the hills in the construction tubes. I can remember going hiking and hunting. I can remember "Indian Jodie" braiding my hair in grass. Some of my favorite childhood memories have been made on the lands of my fathers. But things happen, and so did the years.

I've made and chosen to set aside what is it that happened. From here on out I am working to patch things up. I've missed that life, and oddly enough where i've been has strangely always matched up. There is still so much i need to discover about myself and understand. Through my father i am finding such. I have never been so in tune with myself than this year. And now i can finally get answerer's to all that i have been wondering about. I am happy with my moves made but I know things wont unfold in the matter of days. This is something that will have to basically be reborn, reintroduced....from both parties. I am up against a lot but am for it. As cliche as it sounds...."the time is now."


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