Moedog.

It's 10 AM Sunday Morning and my dad call me, but i missed the call. He left this voice mail:

"Roria, what are you doing? cant be in bed come on. Yeah, I wanna check in with ya..wnated to see if theres a remote...remote chance if i was going to see you over the Christmas break. Yes, i'd like to see you Roria, its the first time i put up a christmas tree in 17 years because I saw you for a moment...a moment. And i know you said you wanted to come up in the during daylight and i think the week i am off for christmas theres gonna be some daylight!...tag! love ya."

My dad always leaves good and playful voice mails.


+

she's lump, she's lump...she might be dead!

The first song/music video i ever downloaded was "Lump" by Presidents of the United States.
Bonkers, i know. I remember only because it was also the same day my step dad brought home our first computer ever, a Packard Bell. So slow it hurt. I remember being so excited and amazed that i finally had one and "Lump" was my current favorite song. My mom and brother watched it with me. Just a funny little haha for ya'll.

Let your family take you back to your original mind-

With ten years of another part of my life missing and four years being the last time i've seen my father, One day was all it took.

I last saw my dad when i had to undergo a surgery - heavily sedated i made it a point to remember your denim jacket. Other than that day, it would have taken us back to double digits.

December 4th 2010 was a new day stepping back into my (g)olden days. I finally did what has been pent up for years. I went home. Home to a place where I know exactly who i am with a wiser verson of myself. I haven't seen it in over 10 years. Once started as a Log cabin of one bedroom, has now gained height and width. Built with a soul and dream, the site of it brought me to an instant trip of joy and overwhelm-ness.

I can't believe how beautiful the house has come along. I pictured what it would be like to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas there. With the fireplace lit, snow covering the cabin. There was so much to look at, but all everything showed me a reminder of just how much time had really passed.

It was as if I was able to look back at certain places and see myself in a younger virison. I can remember grading papers with you, the more i helped, the faster you'd come and play. My farther is a Science teacher, with tons of red marked papers. I can remember swimming in the ponds to cool off on hot summer days and the phrase "while most girls put cat's in their bicycle baskets, there's Roria...catching her frogs and putting them in her cannone". I can remember to check for ticks. I can remember the leather hand stitched pillow I used to hate but learned to love. I can remember making you always be the Shoe in monopoly and giving myself the Dog. I remember finishing my plate because "We don't waste in the country" even if my tiny tummy was full. I can remember trips to the post office and breakfast at Blondie's and if i was really good...ice cream at Holy Cow. I can remember going to drive - inn movies and falling asleep each of the 3 times during Free Willie. I can remember being embarrassed every time we went to Grand Union because you would sing all funny in between the isles. I can remember sleeping on the wooden floor and watching the popping of the lit fire. I can remember learning to drive the Jimmy, Bronco and pick up truck. I can remember failing Uncle Richie's quad road test the first time. I can remember when i earned the title "Mountain Woman." I can remember going back home to moms house being filthy. I can remember when I had a tick stuck in my head. I can remember when you wanted "downtime" which ment it was time for a nap. I can remember shaving your head and drawing a smiley face on top....out of mustard. I can remember falling through the ice. I can remember pulling down trees for fire wood. I can remember after dinner it was always "The kitchen is closed" I can remember rolling down the hills in the construction tubes. I can remember going hiking and hunting. I can remember "Indian Jodie" braiding my hair in grass. Some of my favorite childhood memories have been made on the lands of my fathers. But things happen, and so did the years.

I've made and chosen to set aside what is it that happened. From here on out I am working to patch things up. I've missed that life, and oddly enough where i've been has strangely always matched up. There is still so much i need to discover about myself and understand. Through my father i am finding such. I have never been so in tune with myself than this year. And now i can finally get answerer's to all that i have been wondering about. I am happy with my moves made but I know things wont unfold in the matter of days. This is something that will have to basically be reborn, reintroduced....from both parties. I am up against a lot but am for it. As cliche as it sounds...."the time is now."

+

the good times are killing me.

I've been having such wonderful days. Over the weekend I took a trip back home to CT.
Spent much needed time with my dear friend Lisa. It's amazing how similar we are - and how we are able to go back to the way things have always been between us despite the distance. I've never known another with a warmer heart such as hers. My whole time spent was filled with laughs and good times. Made me feel real honored to have such a great soul as my best friend. Lisa is the one person I can truly say knows me better than I know myself. The minute I got there, we were already matching...freaky!  We went Downtown Danbury and checked out "The Taste Of Danbury" where the Marshall Trucker Band played. A sure home for the two of us, in our glory. They were seriously great - so much significance. The next day we spent the morning giggling in the attic and watching Joey putt holes in ones(?) Ate at Bagel Man, home of the BEST morning foods. We went thrift shopping where I got the most awesome stuff! I spent a total of $14.00 on: the best Indian sweater, off the shoulder poncho that I am truly obsessed with! It has a huge pocket on one side, fringe and is the MOST comfortable...I need the cold weather! I bought a scarf, another grandpa vest this time with beads and another sweater. I also got my old Photography camera back while I was visiting! It's a Konica Minolta Maxxum 70 all film camera - truly a gem. After shopping we stopped by our old dock by my old house we used to chill at. Shot some pictures, sat, talked. Relived old times for a bit. We then went to my favorite spot to eat in all of CT. It's a little place called "Texas Taco" I wish I could have taken pictures, but RoseMary frowns upon such. Also, the minute you get through the bizarre landscape, the front door reads "No Photos!" A big ol' slap in the face i really wanted to type "slap of de bass mon!" Umm...Yeah, it's a small 3 roomed place that is one big acid trip. With huge black and white checkered floors, an a collection of everything you could ever imagine thrown around on the walls - it really is an organized mess. There is so much art and creativeness, that you are literally overwhelmed by all of it. But the way RoseMary designed everything, you could tell was really thought out...even though it is all RANDOM AS FUCK. Lisa and I felt the best way to describe it is, one big "I SPY ROOM." I forgot to mention the live monkey that was once apart of the atmosphere. That changed. Now there's a taking Parrot.
The food is great, well...the 4 options you can choose from. I always get the burritos. Scrumptious. I forgot it even talk about Rosemary. You can literally read her story on the wall - but she is an older lady, I want to say upper 50's...purple hair, crazy brows and make up...coolest clothes and jewelry! She started her business just selling Taco's in NYC with her cart and blue hair....the cart is on the front lawn of the place. As time went on (I'm giving the most half assed story) her business grew and became famous for her tacos. A restaurant later and now a little 3 roomed place she is still doing her thing! Later we got Dunkachino's - again, haven't had that in years and boy was it delish! All the little things made our day so great, we kept laughing and saying how much we ruled. From the food to the weather...everything was just so simple and great. We've never been much to please. With the sun going down and my energy fading, my stay came to an end.
:(. When I got home, Mama had a bowl of warm potato soup waiting for me. What a perfect ending to a perfect day! :)

+ pictures to follow!

Wait for the sun -

Universal Mind.

- JIM MORRISON; Lyrical Genius.
JUST BLEW MY MIND, AGAIN.
+

are you cussin me? the cuss i am!

Boggis and Bunce and Bean
One fat, one short, one lean
These horrible crooks
So different in looks
Were none the less equally mean.



+ I just watched Fantastic Mr. Fox again and I turly love this movie.
Wes Anderson, i'm bowing to you.
I suggest you nozzle yourself in bed and discover!



+ please bring back stop animation.

. mixture of time .

Science v.s. Nature

I've always wanted to own a shitty, big ass Ford Bronco, covered in mud, manual roll down windows and I don't really know why. Well, maybe because that was my dads ride, he's a real country guy. And when I would see him I would fight for the front seat, because I was able to work the cassette player, AC/DC was always on. When I didn't hear them, the rattling of the POS was the main sound, but it was a good sound(?) Meaning, the sound of shit [about to fall off] brought a smile to my face, god only knows why. But, he always made smoking a cigarette in this car look...so bad ass. And the mud was just the right amount. And the amount of times I hit my head jumping up to get into tha car and hop in the back was endless, or how many times "ANG" would shove the seat back in place BEFORE I was done getting in. Therefore, the seat that he was pushing on, was litterally shoving me in the backseat, obviously I lost at "shotty." (Eileen can you hear my YOUR SO ANNOYING WITH YOUR BIKE ANG! voice?") I don't know where this blog is going, nor was it the topic of what i was intentually going to write about...oh well, I'm going to roll with it. But not just anyone could drive a crappy, run down Bronco. It takes character, followed with an image of someone with rough hands; working hands. See, my dad lives upstate...in the twigs. What I used to say, "Where the Blair Witch was filmed" so he was constantly working outdoors, no matter the season or weather. Always filthy. Always diggin' up something, building something, burning fires, cutting his 14 acres of property with a friggin' weedwacker. Always made me laugh, because it normally took him 2 days + to finish. I would lap him when I drove the quads, drive by and laugh, he was cutting in the same area. He fits the "Bronco image" to a T. Now that I touch base on this, I don't think I am ready for it. In my defense, he did ALWAYS put me to work. I probably took down and cut down more trees than the average girl. If I wasn't cutting trees down, I was hunting....of course not shooting animals! I was lugging all the equipment while daddy-o made me go on hour long hikes while I threw deer dumps at him. I loved the hikes though. He was/is a science teacher, so he knew all weirdo facts...fact: he is a weirdo. He always thought new lessons on hikes. Showed me what I could eat from growing plants. I remember this one plant, you split it and it smells like Winter fresh gum. I called it the "Winter fresh plant" because I was such an original thinker back then. Miles away from my dads Log cabin', because after all...."WE are in the country" that's all he ever said! OK, miles away...deep in these woods, there was always something new. No matter how many times we've trailed through the woods...I would always find crazy old antiques, old glass bottles, once bullets, an old shack and this dope iron gate. It was beautiful and stood high. The ONLY thing that wasn't new, were the rock walls. Evey so often, hiking through the woods, you'd see rock walls. I was once taught a lesson about the land, although I must have been a bad listener because I forgot..that or i was too busy trying to find a good hiking stick. Those are well needed. You need a stick for support and to dig into the ground when your going up hill or to trip your dad. But Rock walls and land... I think it had something to do with Indians and the time of war. The rock walls served as protection and their share of the land. That's all I remember. The best feeling in the world just might be, sitting in a tree and watching deers eat. It really is so peaceful and cute at the same time. How anyone can shoot them is beyond me. Although, they do make for some good ass meat. I'm sorry. It was a one time deal. Even when they would run off, putting their tails up, showing the white end on the tail ment they were scared and sensed something around them. God knows I wasn't able to be quite and sit in one spot longer than 5 mins in those trees. So off they would run, white tail up and all. Bye bye Bambi. Once we got closer to home, I was now leader of the hike. My dad use to make me navigate which is a joke itself. Everyone knows i am HORRIBLE with my sense of direction, go figure, I can find my way out of the woods like a boss. Oddly enough, I used landmarks...even though everything in the woods looks the same, dirt, trees, poop, animals and rocks. Once we got to our property, it was tradition like to go into what we called "coolie dipping pond." It was a stream that turned into a pond, that at first, you can only dip your butt into tha water, but then you travel up stream and you are able to swim! And trust me, you wanted to swim. I used to be called "Mall Girl" when I was younger, that was because I was a New Yorker. Pops really doubted I had what it takes to get down and dirty. When I got a little older, I earned my name as "Nature Woman." He used to call me that because I did in fact, like to get dirty. Catch fish and frogs with my hands. Swim in ponds. Squish my feet in the mud. Shower out doors. Sleep outside. He was so good at teaching me about the stars. I think he tought me to love Astrology honestly. A fire was built and beside it we sat on logs looking up at the stars, flash lights as pointers. Feeding me "quite food" which was Hersey chocolate bars. That always got me to shut up, still does. It's weird to think, outdoors and nature can shape you into a person. It totally has for me. Although my outer layer gives off the cupcake dress wearing type, the inner me is adventurous tomboy-like explorer. NY isn't much of a playground for me. Nor is my dad much of a teacher anymore. I miss those days, and I miss that dad. I'll keep the best; as the present image. Remember when I said I want a bronco? Add log cabin' to the list.

. It needs to be dirty and more hooptie to own my heart, but I still got love.

+ My dad lives in Rhinebeck and before the cold weather comes, I've been considering taking a drive up there. It's a little over 3 hours long of a ride. But the town is absolutely gorgeous and filled with history. A great place to capture amazing photos. Let me know it you are interested!