Let your family take you back to your original mind-

With ten years of another part of my life missing and four years being the last time i've seen my father, One day was all it took.

I last saw my dad when i had to undergo a surgery - heavily sedated i made it a point to remember your denim jacket. Other than that day, it would have taken us back to double digits.

December 4th 2010 was a new day stepping back into my (g)olden days. I finally did what has been pent up for years. I went home. Home to a place where I know exactly who i am with a wiser verson of myself. I haven't seen it in over 10 years. Once started as a Log cabin of one bedroom, has now gained height and width. Built with a soul and dream, the site of it brought me to an instant trip of joy and overwhelm-ness.

I can't believe how beautiful the house has come along. I pictured what it would be like to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas there. With the fireplace lit, snow covering the cabin. There was so much to look at, but all everything showed me a reminder of just how much time had really passed.

It was as if I was able to look back at certain places and see myself in a younger virison. I can remember grading papers with you, the more i helped, the faster you'd come and play. My farther is a Science teacher, with tons of red marked papers. I can remember swimming in the ponds to cool off on hot summer days and the phrase "while most girls put cat's in their bicycle baskets, there's Roria...catching her frogs and putting them in her cannone". I can remember to check for ticks. I can remember the leather hand stitched pillow I used to hate but learned to love. I can remember making you always be the Shoe in monopoly and giving myself the Dog. I remember finishing my plate because "We don't waste in the country" even if my tiny tummy was full. I can remember trips to the post office and breakfast at Blondie's and if i was really good...ice cream at Holy Cow. I can remember going to drive - inn movies and falling asleep each of the 3 times during Free Willie. I can remember being embarrassed every time we went to Grand Union because you would sing all funny in between the isles. I can remember sleeping on the wooden floor and watching the popping of the lit fire. I can remember learning to drive the Jimmy, Bronco and pick up truck. I can remember failing Uncle Richie's quad road test the first time. I can remember when i earned the title "Mountain Woman." I can remember going back home to moms house being filthy. I can remember when I had a tick stuck in my head. I can remember when you wanted "downtime" which ment it was time for a nap. I can remember shaving your head and drawing a smiley face on top....out of mustard. I can remember falling through the ice. I can remember pulling down trees for fire wood. I can remember after dinner it was always "The kitchen is closed" I can remember rolling down the hills in the construction tubes. I can remember going hiking and hunting. I can remember "Indian Jodie" braiding my hair in grass. Some of my favorite childhood memories have been made on the lands of my fathers. But things happen, and so did the years.

I've made and chosen to set aside what is it that happened. From here on out I am working to patch things up. I've missed that life, and oddly enough where i've been has strangely always matched up. There is still so much i need to discover about myself and understand. Through my father i am finding such. I have never been so in tune with myself than this year. And now i can finally get answerer's to all that i have been wondering about. I am happy with my moves made but I know things wont unfold in the matter of days. This is something that will have to basically be reborn, reintroduced....from both parties. I am up against a lot but am for it. As cliche as it sounds...."the time is now."

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(marsh)mellow-out mondays.

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thanksgiving.

I had a wonderful time Cruisen to the Bahama islands for a week. My entire family got together for thanksgiving, It's not often we see each other. My Aunt, Uncle and cousin flew in from Wisconsin, haven't seen them in easily 4 years. I haven't been on a cruise in about 3 years, they are fun. Lots to do. I gambled and actually won! I played wheel of fortune and hit $1000. It was a great time to be with all of my family.

tuesday mornings.

.one braid one mess one blog ,

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Smiles across the board!

Man, I can't express enough how much the last two weeks have been for me. Truly great. Filled with action packed adventures, tear making laughs, fresh faces, old faces, inspiring talks, delicious treats, beaches, walks, blue skies, good tunes, great talks, dancing, birthday presents. I can't wait for the summer to be here already. I haven't been excited for the summer in so long. I'm going to take advantage of it and the warm weather. I have a lot planned for it. My mood has been amazing, I have to thank my good friends for making my day, turned into a week so special. For the first time in forever I received presents that are meaningful, thoughtful and ME presents. For instance, my friends gave me things like TRAVEL SCRABBLE apple and banana edition...because for the last two months i've been begging them to play a this game. A book of Jim Morrison's spoken-word poetry, art work and video. Because she knew my love for Jim and The Doors and how through them, it's the only connection/memories I have with my father. Another gift was LEGO'S! Lego's because it was a common joke between a few friends...and something I truly love to do! Shark week DVD was also a present....again, if you know me well, you will know Discovery and Shark week are my favorite things to watch. Mix tape CD's, each song thoughtfully picked out and because I've also been begging her to make me mash up's to cruise to! Even certain type of clothing, knowing I always wear a certain artist. Thank You to everyone that has contributed to such awesomeness. Everyone should feel this way on their birthday. I'm going to start doing things for peoples birthday’s and give meaningful presents...and just make that person feel this good as they should on their day! I know I said I used to hate born days...and that was only been short lived. Since I moved back to NY, I stopped liking birthdays...for no reason really.

This is great.

I love how things are going.

I'm living free.